"2 is her favorite number and August is her favorite month. She never thought time will flies this fast. 2017 is not a very good year for her this far. But, when she passed her 18 birthday on August 2nd, 2017 ago. She realized..."
Reminiscing childhood memory, I feel warm because my family all there around back then. I still laugh a lot and smile a lot. Having no idea how stressful living as an adult. Jalan-jalan ke pantai, museum, kebun, bareng dan bersenang-senang. Ordering food I like, going places interesting, choosing what I want for birthday gift, wearing new clothes, belum punya pikiran yang berat dan menikmati canda tawa yang dilontarkan kerabat terdekat. Living as a normal children that every unlucky kids jealous for.
But, life is not that perfect. Childhood seems so normal for me. I feel happy and got a great family. But, it doesn't take long. One day, both of my parents fighting so hard. I don't remember how exactly it happens. My father just didn't come home and home got very noisy because mom cries and mad a lot. I have no idea what is going on. I just do what I usually do and not really take care about it. Not long it stop, not long it continues again. Repeated every month every year, routinely.
Not every kids know how it feels hearing their parents fighting. Because some of parents know how to fight without making noises and choose fighting secretly in another room. So, their kid don't know and not make a mental heartbreak to their children. But, not for me, fighting that routinely happen between my mom and my father does makes me terrified. How can you sleep well when your parents trying to stab each other when they're fighting at midnight? How can you sleep well hearing high tones voices, madness, yells, and tears? How can you sleep well without worrying them doing things absurdly? Their fighting haunted my life until I end the junior school. How does it feels hearing madness for more than ten years of your life? My mental got crazy.
I am hating both of my parents when they're fighting. How can you called yourself a parents without thinking the soul health of your children. They mad without thinking feelings of their children. They not thinking how broken we are seeing and listening them fighting. It breaks their kids heart so much. They. Don't. care.
I spent my junior high school, pretending me and my family doing okay. I looks happy, smiling and laughing around my friends. But, not with my heart truly feels. Once, I told my home teacher about my problems, also telling my close friend. I think telling them my problem could relax my soul. But, I am wrong. Their response hurts and talk like its not a serious problem for me. They weren't giving a helpful advice but add a joke inside and laugh. Since then, I don't talk about it to anyone ever again and keep pretending to looks happy. Knowing its useless to share.
Then, I entered senior high school with no expectation to be happy. And happiness come to me once again. I am not pretending to looks happy anymore, I feel happy. Smiling deepest from my heart. I met new friends and my family getting along well in my high school time. No serious fighting and problem for the most of my high school story. I feel peace and enjoying every moment of my teenage life. I feel so good. I found new people that become my good friends and become my brother & sisters at school. New place that even hectic that time, now I am missing how we gather and making moments there. Listen new stories and creating memories together is what happened to us. Meet and knows them is such a bless of my life. Its a never ending grateful and I am so thankful to God that make me happy ever again with meeting me with them. My precious good people.
This far, 2017 is not a very good year for me. I got stress and pressure on my mind because of examination. Rarely go out. Just study study and study for USBN, UN, and college entrance test. Financially drop. Family relation broken down again. My mom mad a lot lately. It does make me sad. Again.
I am feeling useless kid and have no intention to do well with my life. Often I want to runaway home and thinking I just wanna die right over. I want them to stop and I want them to see, their ego makes me die. I don't care am I wanna be a winner or not. I am just, tired. With all of this never ending family problem.
Closer to August, my mood got better. I met my friends and have a talk with them. It ease me to think positive more than before. They were there, best friends who listen my story and care to cheer me up. They were there, siblings who protect and love their little sister. They were there, my parents that even fighting with each other, but still worry and care about me. They were there, people who still kind and wish me great things. It makes me realize, there's still people who love me out there. Care my existence and there to make laugh and happy again and again. Who giving me appreciation, love, and kindness. It makes me feel beloved and life again.
289. 2 is my favorite number. August is my favorite month. I was born in Samarinda, August 2nd, 1999 in family of Abah, Mama, and my 3 sisters and 2 brothers. I've surviving life for 18 years now. I got my problem, I got my stories. Everybody lives with their own problem they never told.
18 years and meet new awesome people that brings storm, rain, blossom, and rainbow to my life. I met them and I am grateful to met them. Every people come and go, teach me things I never thought I want to know. They make me cry, they make me laugh. I am glad they were there.
I hate myself for every clumsy and flaws I have. I love myself for every cheers I make for myself and for anyone out there. 289, if I wasn't born, I wouldn't feel this feelings. God, thanks for these strength. I wouldn't survive without You by my side and the people you send to cheers my day. Thank you, Alhamdulillah.
Then, I entered senior high school with no expectation to be happy. And happiness come to me once again. I am not pretending to looks happy anymore, I feel happy. Smiling deepest from my heart. I met new friends and my family getting along well in my high school time. No serious fighting and problem for the most of my high school story. I feel peace and enjoying every moment of my teenage life. I feel so good. I found new people that become my good friends and become my brother & sisters at school. New place that even hectic that time, now I am missing how we gather and making moments there. Listen new stories and creating memories together is what happened to us. Meet and knows them is such a bless of my life. Its a never ending grateful and I am so thankful to God that make me happy ever again with meeting me with them. My precious good people.
This far, 2017 is not a very good year for me. I got stress and pressure on my mind because of examination. Rarely go out. Just study study and study for USBN, UN, and college entrance test. Financially drop. Family relation broken down again. My mom mad a lot lately. It does make me sad. Again.
I am feeling useless kid and have no intention to do well with my life. Often I want to runaway home and thinking I just wanna die right over. I want them to stop and I want them to see, their ego makes me die. I don't care am I wanna be a winner or not. I am just, tired. With all of this never ending family problem.
Closer to August, my mood got better. I met my friends and have a talk with them. It ease me to think positive more than before. They were there, best friends who listen my story and care to cheer me up. They were there, siblings who protect and love their little sister. They were there, my parents that even fighting with each other, but still worry and care about me. They were there, people who still kind and wish me great things. It makes me realize, there's still people who love me out there. Care my existence and there to make laugh and happy again and again. Who giving me appreciation, love, and kindness. It makes me feel beloved and life again.
289. 2 is my favorite number. August is my favorite month. I was born in Samarinda, August 2nd, 1999 in family of Abah, Mama, and my 3 sisters and 2 brothers. I've surviving life for 18 years now. I got my problem, I got my stories. Everybody lives with their own problem they never told.
18 years and meet new awesome people that brings storm, rain, blossom, and rainbow to my life. I met them and I am grateful to met them. Every people come and go, teach me things I never thought I want to know. They make me cry, they make me laugh. I am glad they were there.
I hate myself for every clumsy and flaws I have. I love myself for every cheers I make for myself and for anyone out there. 289, if I wasn't born, I wouldn't feel this feelings. God, thanks for these strength. I wouldn't survive without You by my side and the people you send to cheers my day. Thank you, Alhamdulillah.
You know I love you when you look at my eyes,
Cheers to the people I love and Love me, 🍸🎊
Much Love
Hey Nuu written by Nurul Ulfa 💛